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Everyone seems to be getting into relationships.

Both dating less than a year, two ladies I know just got engaged to their boyfriends. More than half of the ladies in my “Single Adults” life group are now in relationships and/or talking with someone. My brother is dating his first ever girlfriend.

I feel like someone my age should be in a relationship. That’s the right thing to do…that’s suppose to happen at this stage in life. I thought I already dealt and grew past this whole “singleness,” “waiting,” whatever you want to call it phase, but, wow, does it creep up. Everyone I am surrounded seems to be so unlike me now, I don’t quite fit into their status quo, just because they have a super special human being in their life.

I know people who are desperate to be in a relationship, clingy-super-attached partners (which I think are annoying) to those who can last with giving each other space. As I observe what is happening in the world around me, seeing how people change, I question relationships and roles.

While that revolves around me, I am just, here. I am trying to survive my fifth and final year strong. I am looking forward to stable income as I pay off loans, save money and go on adventures.

Cliché, life is a journey.

A mindset that I fail to have: Whoever I am with, wherever I will be, first and foremost, what matters is I will continue to learn, explore and love with You.


this laffy taffy is getting deep

I hate that feeling when I come across someone who I use to talk to, have previously met and known, and when I see them again after a long while I debate on the inside if I should greet them or not. Then I start to think if they even remember me at all cause no one wants to make a fool of themselves. Then I think about how they should be the first one to make the approach.

Strangers. They don’t say a word. I don’t say a word. And later I regret it.

I promise I am not that shady. Why do I play shady? Being shady comes no good.

L is questioning her friendship with J. L is unsure of how J feels about their friendship. L wants to be friends but is worried how her classmates will respond because she is a girl and he is a boy. This is happening in my fourth grade classroom. Crazy realizations. Development is a part of life, but it is quite sad when gender distinctions are made and can either break or build a friendship. Maybe that’s why Mom always said, “Girls cannot be friends with boys.”

Christians. I am a Christian, I know what is right, I have to be right. Christians really do believe in the most Almighty God, who came down for us through His Son Jesus Christ. We believe in the only accurate faith. That is powerful for me to say, but our Savior is powerful. Because Christians know so much—especially what is right—we limit our perspective. When something is wrong, when something goes against our belief, we hold back, we judge, we criticize, we accuse, we blame, we… fill it in. What kind of Christian am I? What kind of Christian are you? Who is a Christian? I think we forget we all have missed the mark in our self righteousness. Sinners.

When my team and I were in China, there was a lady who had a dry cleaning business outside of our apartment building. When we went to drop off clothing, she called her friend on her cell phone to translate. All these nonverbal cues. Smiles. Gestures. Eyes. I wonder how she is doing. Oh, and when my teammates asked to get their clothing dried, they came damp :D Gosh, great times.

Last night I was up until 4 IN THE FREAKING AM. I have not stayed up that late ever since fall of sophomore year for Composition II. My brain is literally fried. Sorry brain, I have been mistreating you :(

During chapel’s praise and worship, I became full of emotions. Sad as I thought about the wonderful past full, four years, and there I was, standing on the first day of my last year. Overwhelmed with the Father’s faithfulness, how much He has been with me and continues to. Excited and ready to have reached my unexpected 5th and final year. After today on it only gets closer to the finish line. What a journey it has been. From personal growth, finding passions to establishing meaningful friendships, a lot of life has happened.

Once in a while, I feel a sense of emptiness. That crept over me, too. I think it came from the struggle of seeing unfamiliar faces around campus, wanting to be able to recognize people, but I simply could not. Then loneliness came. The downside of being a super-senior hit me. But back to that void that cannot be filled. It is a sign of something deeper. In my life, I cannot find joy and satisfaction that sustains in people, nor in the things I like. If only it were that simple. I am not alone. You are with me. I need You. You have me.

When my parents were in their early twenties, they were in the process of becoming immigrants to leave a war torn country. Here I am in my early twenties, a university student in a country where we take everything we have for granted. Growing up and living in two completely different environments is a barrier that makes us not be able to fully understand one another. Growing up and living in two completely different environments has brought us closer together.

Westernization, you have been on my mind quite frequently. Will you influence every individual in the world to become like you? Will you touch people to make them lose their traditions, language and customs? When will you stop? You have caused identity crises, generational misunderstanding, unnecessary wants.

A journal post on love:

What does love make a person do? Does love change someone for the worse or better them? Does love control a person or does a person control love?

This love that I am referring to is between man and woman. I know my Everlasting Love, forever constant, never failing. But this human love, what are you like?

I’ve seen love make people go crazy. They endure abuse—emotional to physical. They chase after their love. They only want to be with their significant other. No one else in the world matters. They make up excuses to be with their love. Sometimes love turns people crazy after who they love they forget about others in their life..friends and family.

Is a person’s amount of love solely for one individual only? Cause I can’t imagine pushing myself away from cherished family and friends. I’ve watched and been pushed away. Or maybe falling in love will make me become like everyone else who has been and is in love. That makes me not want to be in a relationship. When I am, will I be the same or change? I like the me that I am. What does love do? What can love do?

It is heartbreaking when people fall out of love. True love. People always talk about that. Disney’s taught society well. When it is definite “true love,” is that when people will not fall out of love?

Love, you are powerful.

Pertaining to the ICS Trip:

  • CHI: Shared a bed with my teammate but she got really sick. She ended up puking on our bed, with a little getting near my side. I had to share a bed with our other teammate (the three of us were rooming together).
  • CHI: Waking up in the early morning, having to pee really bad, and turning on the bathroom lights only to see a whole bunch of creepy crawlers running for their lives. Shivers.
  • THA: Our neighborhood, and I guess the political situation living in the capital. “You must walk in a large group together at night.” No more freedom of roaming streets to discover sights, sounds, smells. Sigh.
  • THA: Taxi driver stopped under a bridge, left us in the back, and went to take a pee break! Excuse you!!! Not cool. Way not cool. Rude! That just irritates me thinking about it.
  • IND: Transition from Island 1 to resort/base camp. Having to but not being able to poop. How am I going to survive at Island 2?? Digestive system, what is going on?
  • IND: Ear infection. Water got in my right ear from mandi’ing (bathing) from the outdoor well. Infection led to pain in my jaw. It hurt to open and close my mouth, to chew. Thankfully, it literally healed right before our plane ride back home. My right ear took a little while to pop.

Though not the best situations to be in, definitely some of the most memorable.

One thing that is kind of driving me crazy is finding out that we got the chance to live with an unreached people group, as defined and determined by the Joshua Project. That just moves my heart in so many different ways that I just cannot hold it in, but I kind of have to.

"In this hour of our lives, and with the Father on our side. Forgetting all that lies behind, You find us pressing on.

One, two, three, four steps, take a little more with You. Show me one more step in the world, that’s all I need to move on.

When we follow the Spirit and wait for the Lord, we find strength for tomorrow and trust for His Word. I wanna follow you, Jesus. I wanna go with you, Jesus”

Will Reagan & United Pursuit

Dear Jesus, what adventures, near and far, will we go on? They will not come easy, but I am excited.

Tuned in. “new team, new number, new beginnings.”

If you use what you give others as something against them, do not give at all.

Dear brother, dear sister. What if I told you that you are not poor? What if I told you all you have is a blessing. What is even more is you are alive, breathing, surrounded with a community that includes various loved ones. What if I told you that I pitied you cause you did not have what I had? I thought you needed everything I have. What if I told you the things I have are some of the biggest distractions in my life? Such as my growing shoe collection. Shoes are really nice, I tell you. Could I live with just two pairs of shoes? Yes. But, somehow I struggle with the thought that I cannot. Can I tell you that I have grown past pity? And I hope you grow past pitying yourself? Can I tell you that I see you as a human? Not just another person. A living, human being with compassion and longs for peace. A human who not only understands but shows love. A human whose dependence on the Truest Love is one I may never fully have.

Being in my early-twenties and surrounded by believers, I think I am supposed to be engaged by now cause marriage is obviously the next step in life. I have been to weddings and even participated in my siblings’ weddings. However, this past weekend I got the opportunity to witness a wedding that reminded me of what marriage is all about. Knowing the bride somewhat helped, but I could just sense the two of them, each on their own, truly loved Jesus. They really wanted their marriage to be centered on Jesus. Marriage is beautiful. When the Focus of marriage is present, that is even more beautiful. Thanks A & K.

A camera is literally an instrument to help the photographer. However, it is the photographer who sees the moments in time to capture, to express through the art of light.