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Body says sleep. Mind says stay awake.

Scared…and nervous.
— A, age 12, life in India. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

why didn’t I order an alcoholic drink?

Dang.

Milestone age = alcohol…isn’t that how it’s pose to roll?

Guess the age when I do order an alcoholic drink will be a “fun fact”….ha.

I have been reflecting over the past two weeks, revisiting what I learned, what really impacted me from the ICS trip. There are so many little things that makes up a larger picture, but there is one realization that really hits home. Sharing life and learning from the interns, staff and guides: God is all they have. God is all they need.

Living in the States, everything, each day, just moves on….quickly. I feel that each day, I just live life and sometimes I even forget what I do or I reflect on what I did during the day and feel as if it was all meaningless. Life’s context here is different from there (Asia).

I reread journal entries and notes from the trip. Before going over the list of things to do in Singapore, our leader mentioned for us to think about changes that we want to keep. What stood out to me about life and our experience overseas that I want to remain with me when we returned?

…I have forgotten.

God is all I have. God is all I need.

I take so much for granted.

"For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38-39

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When you discover a new favorite artist then find out their tour already came thru your city……. :(

Thank you shuttle driver for adding onto my playlist.

Its was depressing following CNN and BBC on Twitter cause they reveal so much mess there is in this world! so my prof kind of convinced me to just follow BBC…….and it is still depressing.

Bad news with problems is important to be updated about but can we get more good news, too?!

And is it bad if I know more of what is happening in another part of the world than the country I live in? And those from other countries know more about the US than I do? Whoopsies.

Men don’t have diaries. We have journals.
— Dr. M (who is retiring!)

The feeling of being incomplete: left my water bottle at home.

The least exciting surprise: school bill.

I am super thankful for: my sisters.

Water is good.

I wish I could graduate debt free.

Sisters are the best best friends.

While the memories are still fresh, a way for me to remember my first graders.

N: bossy, “two more people can come in..”, accessories always being taken away, mom planner notes, gum, saved food in mouth and being told to swallow

E: sniffed people, random hugs and touches that were sometimes inappropriate, “why you scared? you went like this”, “you so beautiful”, itchy, wedgies, cats

P: talker, ears pierced, twin brother, blurt, adorable smile, questions ability, confident, penny n plate game

P: twin sister, fancy artist, “i lived there for 30 minutes!”, eyelashes, princesses

L: helpful, translator, drawer

R: biggest. tester. ever. relationship kid. cars, paperclips, airplanes, “you two are BMW: Big Mean Woman”, light handwriting and coloring

J: longest untied shoelaces i have ever seen, curly hair, grandma, tough, choice notebooks

H: nice kicks, high flyer, rec check, Jayla found her “toto” in the toilet

S: new student, “she—>her”, rose & michael, tights

J: super sweetheart, two hugs, “we had such little time together”, “she says she’s a ‘H’ girl but she speaks English at home”, rice with water

M: sat next to me, another sweetie!, trusted helper, snacks designator

J: absences, over confident, out-door-voice-all-the-time, “i don’t know how to read”, same birthday as my sister

D: slow, “i can’t do this”, hissed, sat in his locker

A: sneaky, low skills, grandpa, distractions

H: quiet, flexible, twin sister, tip toes, “what’s ‘twist’?”

J: tattler, listened, talker

M: follower, cliquey, book fair pen

V: dry hands, easily distracted, heart drawing

T: started fact family sheet with no help, “no backwards, hurt hurt”, home lunches (rice and soy sauce?), sweater issue

D: newcomer, always wanted to draw, quick to pick up things, pink

J: california, whiz kid, careful, glasses, “i’m gonna miss you when you’re not here anymore”, “was yesterday your birthday?”, critical thinker

L: breakfast mornings, coloring, tall

Gonna miss them more than I thought.

I feel like crying.

The last student my cooperating teacher and I talked about was the student who when he very first spoke to me said, “Do you speak Hmong?”

Goshdangit.

I passed out treats to my students since it was my last day. I zipped it in their backpack so they could save their sugar for home…..but apparently he was misbehaving so my co-op (cooperating teacher) took it away from him and saved it in her desk.

Why did he have to have such a bad day on the day I was leaving?! Earlier in the day I attempted to tell him to take a break cause he was being disruptive by making noises and not being still. In the afternoon, two kids were being mean to him and made him almost cry. Then at the end of the day my co-op mentioned how his home situation is concerning, especially with his mom. I’m not sure if he has a father/man-figure at home. My co-op mentioned how she still hasn’t figured him out yet but she knows something is off with him…..and that just breaks a part of my heart!

It is hard to not care for kids and when you just want them to have the very best. Yet as a teacher, you can only do so much as to when you have them in your classroom for those 6-7 hours of the day. No wonder why some of my professors have mentioned how sometimes you just want to bring them home with you! I feel what they mean and I’m still only pre-student teaching…what the heck is gonna happen.

I will remember the moments when he spoke in Hmong to me. I will remember the times when he would just come up and stare at me, sometimes literally (first graders) face-to-face with his big eyes and cute face. I will remember his weight that he had to place on his lap to help him sit still. I will remember the times we did math together—he drew dots to help him solve problems.

Wahhh.

We want answers. We get answers. We seek happy answers. We don’t get happy answers. We get mad. We get angry. We become hostile. We criticize. We hate. Not satisfied. Starting with ourselves, in and through us, we create chaos. Chaos spreads to those around us. Our minds become infiltrated because of our own causes. No peace. We want peace. We fight for peace. We repeat.

I shouldn’t be surprised with the discovery but it is that ounce of hope I hold within that I wish would outweigh the sad, terrifying news.

I’ve kept close with following MH370, heck, we were right in that region.

Prayer. That is all we have.

Can I just hire someone to take my exams for me?

But I don’t have money.

Can I just have someone do all my homework for me?

But I probably wouldn’t learn anything.

Can school just be over?

Yeah, that’s the question I am waiting to answer.

Just one more year. One more year.